Things that make me go ARRRRGGGGHHHH -- The Gen Z Bible

There are many translations of the Bible.  Some are good, some are weak, some are bad.  The danger of a paraphrase "translation" is that it begs the one who is producing it to use his own theological bias in the paraphrase.  And if the theology is flawed, the translation will steer the reader off course from what God actually says.

The goal of a translation is to put the original Hebrew and Greek into the vernacular of the modern-day reader.  Some people love the King James Version and demand its usage.   While the King James Version is a faithful translation, most people don't speak the English that was common in 1611 anymore.  In the past 50 years or so, there have been many translations marketed.  One translation that you may have never heard of is the Gen Z Bible.  The goal is to make the Bible speak like Gen Z people.

It reads like a parody.  I wish it were; I fear it's not.  Here is a small section from Genesis 3.

          1.  So, this snake, right, it was like super sneaky compared to all the other animals that God created in the field. And it goes up to the woman and says, 'Hey, did God really say you can't eat from any tree in the garden? Like, seriously?'  2. The woman was like, 'Yo, Mr. Snake, we can totally chow down on any of the fruit from these wicked cool trees in the garden! 🍎🌳'
          3.  But like, there's this tree in the garden, and God's like, 'Don't eat from it or even touch it, or you're toast.'" }  4.  And the serpent was like, 'Nah, girl, you ain't gonna die for real:'  5.  God knows that once you eat it, your eyes will be opened and you'll be able to understand good and evil, feeling a lot more enlightened, like gods.
          6.  So, the woman looked at the tree and saw that it had delicious food on it and looked really nice. Plus, she thought it would make her wise. She couldn't resist, so she took a bite from its fruit and shared it with her husband. And guess what? He took a bite too.
          7.  Then both of them suddenly became aware that they were naked. So, they quickly stitched together some fig leaves and fashioned them into cover-ups.

I suspect no Gen Z'er who seeks gainful employment speaks like that to his boss.  If a place of employment demands proper speech, certainly the Holy Scriptures do, too.  The Scriptures are sacred; they should be treated that way.  

If this translation were adopted for use in a Divine Service, do you think anyone would take that church seriously?  I bet it would be received with laughter because everyone would regard it as a parody.  Or people would leave, convinced that it is mockery of God's word.  I would be among those who would leave.

I can only laugh at this because I don't take it seriously as a translation of the Bible.  If I were to take it seriously, it would only make me angry.  Or, as my title for this post suggests, it would make me go ARRRRGGGGHHHH!